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What I Wonder When I Wander: Just when did we become Señoras (and should we even care?)

What I Wonder When I Wander: Just when did we become Señoras (and should we even care?)

Last Updated on August 22, 2021

We just arrived back in South America today after six months to continue our travels here through northern Chile, Bolivia, Peru, Ecuador and Colombia. This post felt fitting to publish now, since I was called ‘Señora’ at least five times today alone…

You don’t usually notice when something stops. Like the other night in New York when all of a sudden I got the hiccups and had them for over an hour – it wasn’t until halfway through my Thai food later that I noticed they were magically gone. Sure, there are things like blaring sirens or acute blinding pains whose end bring immediate relief, but for the most part, things have a tendency to slip away quietly without you ever really noticing the exact moment at all.

The disappearance of one simple, little, tiny syllable in my life happened much the same way. ‘Rita’ became simply. ‘Ra’. As in – we have gone from Señoritas to  Señoras and I just wasn’t expecting that quite yet. At every bus station ticket counter and newspaper kiosk, paying the bill at a restaurant or checking in to any hotel I now hear ‘gracias señora’ or ‘have a good day señora’.

dani and jess atacama desert

Just two señoras sitting in the middle of the road in the Atacama desert, Chile

I couldn’t tell you the first time someone referred to me as Señora, just like people don’t remember that first ever gray hair or that first wrinkle. I probably laughed it off. But soon, it snowballs and before you know it, you have a  full head of gray hair. In exactly this way, we are both now undeniably Señoras.

The first time I can remember it really hitting home was when an acquaintance was talking to a mutual friend and actually referred to me ‘the señora who travels the world full time.’ Ouch… She wasn’t just a stranger. She knew me and therefore actually thought of me as a señora.

You might wonder why this little linguistic shift matters to me, since I am not even natively from a Spanish speaking country. I have been either living in or traveling to Latin America for over half my life, in every phase of it except for early childhood. I have done little bits of high school and longer parts of college here, I got my first ‘real’ job here and we have spent nearly two years traveling here as GlobetrotterGirls, too.

indian girls kovalam

Would these beautiful Indian ladies be Señoras or Señoritas?

I just wonder what changed so obviously that there are no longer even a few ‘señorita’ mentions left? And that this is clear across every Latin American country we travel through. Has youth been so obviously zapped out of us?

laos grandma1

This sweet grandmother in Laos – she would be considered a Señora.

In the English speaking world, the line is clear: you are a Ms. until you get married and then you are a Mrs. No such line exists in Spanish. You are a Señorita until you aren’t. Ring or no ring, every woman becomes a Señora while the men in both cultures cruise blissfully along as Mister and Señor from the time their voices drop. For men, there is no culturally constructed border between phases of their lives.

Todos Santos Maya ladies

This mother would logically be called Señora.

It’s not like I didn’t know this was coming. As women, we know society has a drawn a line in the sand and that some day strangers will begin referring to us as ma’am or señora. I just always pictured this to be during the same phase when people stand up and give me their seat on the bus. I would be a beautiful señora with long, silver hair spilling down onto a loose sweater and flowing linen pants. I would be wearing lots of turquoise and silver jewelry inspired by my California-based great aunt who has sold Native American jewelry as long as I have been alive. That is the ‘señora’ version of myself I had always pictured – and still do. And I am nowhere near that lovely lady just yet.

Here I am, Señora Jessica, not even mid-way through my 30s and in better shape than the entire decade before. I’ve never felt more alive, or had more energy. Is warping into this brave new Señora world not the death sentence I had imagined it to be in my 20s?

I didn't feel like a señora on our New Mexico Road Trip this year...

I didn’t feel like a señora on our New Mexico Road Trip this year…

Although it came earlier than I expected, becoming a señora is nothing more than an indication of maturity and to be honest, I am relieved and proud that Dani and I are both so satisfied with life during this phase.

Much more important than realizing the last hiccup has come and gone, I only wish I would have been more aware of those ‘señorita’ moments as they were slowly, and permanently, disappearing.

Just two señoras at Highline Park, Manhattan in August 2013

 

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sarah

Friday 29th of November 2013

Hola lovely Senoras! I know exactly how you feel but being about a decade older I first experienced this back home in Canada when seemingly overnight I went form Miss to Maam. I seriously wanted to slap the first person that called me Maam! I thought I had adjusted to it but then I started traveling through Mexico and I went through the trauma all over again when I was called Senora. Age is such a strange thing as I, like you, feel more alive, healthy and vibrant than I did in my 20's and yet somehow we still become Senoras. Oh well, it is just a word after all and the reality is that now in my 40's I am living my dream of a travel life and I'm doing it with a wonderful partner...who btw is in his 30's! So call me Senora or Maam or Madame...I wouldn't change a thing about who and where I am right now.

Agustin

Wednesday 20th of November 2013

Hola Chicas! As a native Spanish speaker, I felt like giving my own 2 cents. Strictly speaking, just like the English-speaking world, you are only Señora once you get married, but colloquially (as pointed out by your post) it will depend how young you are perceived to be. There was even a famous soup opera in the 90's making jokes over this with one of their characters: a principal in her 40's correcting everyone else to be called "Señorita". Just like that principal, if you point it out, people should automatically reverse to call you "Señorita".

I guess that it has to be with the traditional view that you must likely be married by the time you are in your thirties. And also, when you are addressing adults, "Señora" is more a sign of respect. The former is more likely to happen in formal situations (so mostly interacting with any vendor).

Lastly, even if you are in your early-twenties, if they see you with children, people will automatically call you "Señora", assuming that you are married.

As pointed by others, just chill out and enjoy your newly respect status provided by your big experience on the road :).

PS: The Indian girls in the picture would be definitely "Señoritas" :).

Jess

Wednesday 20th of November 2013

Gracias Augustin! I appreciate that it is a sign of respect now, definitely and also you're right though, of course vendors would call us that - and we deal a lot with vendors, hotel staff, tour providers, etc, since we are sometimes traveling more quickly through places. If we settle for a month or so, and get to know more people, I s'pose that would change a bit. Bit either way, it's good to know that even mid-20s chicas can be señoras if they are around kids!

Tricia

Monday 11th of November 2013

You are both very beautiful and young looking. Definitely senoritas.

Jess

Wednesday 20th of November 2013

*blush* thanks Tricia! We're slowly adjusting to the Señora title now...

Melody

Saturday 9th of November 2013

That's funny - I've recently turned from being called 'sister' to being called 'auntie' here in India... I take it as a sign of respect - as long as the person saying it is significantly younger than me!

Jess

Wednesday 20th of November 2013

Oh that's interesting! We just haven't spent enough time in India to really pick up on those things. So we'll just go in expecting 'auntie' then.